The Unsent Letter
by The Smell Of Summer
Summary: [Oneshot] Rory did in fact write Jess a letter from Washington, D.C., she just didn't send it.


Disclaimer: Oh I wish... that I owned Gilmore Girls, saddly not all wishes come true. Therefore I still do not own Girlmore Girls. I do however seem to own an addiction to Literati stories (mentally) and too many cds (physically).

Summary: Rory did in fact write Jess a letter from Washington, D.C., she just didn't send it.

A/N: Just for the record the weather todayis slightly sarcastic with a good chance of... really wanting reviews. So please review. (Extra bonus points if you can tell me the band **and** name of the song that I quoted at the beginning of this author's note.)

* * *

I sat in the closet long after I'd heard Paris leave; clutching my pen as if my life depended on it. Maybe it did. 

I sat there staring at the same page I'd looking at for days.

_Dear Jess,_

That was all I had written. I was just about to crumple up the paper when the words came to me.

_Dear Jess,_

_I guess you know I'm in Washington, D.C. You're probably wondering why I'm here, why I ran away from you._

_I'm here because I was confused. I kissed you. I have a boyfriend. I kissed you and I have a boyfriend. Now I'm sitting here in a closet, writing you a letter. You, Jess Mariano. I should be writing Dean a letter, but I'm not. I don't have anything I want to say to him, but there is so much I want to say to you Jess, so much that I want to say, but don't know how. I'm afraid that once I get started I'll start rambling and never get to the point._

_I ran away because I was scared. When we kissed, I felt differently, differently than I've ever felt in my life. My heart sped up and my mind raced and the blood in my veins felt electric. It was the greatest kiss of me life.That's sounds unbelievably corny and I'll probably kick myself later for sounding so dumb,but it's true.I've never felt that way whenever I've kissed Dean._

_Dean. At first I didn't know what to do about him. Should I tell him? Should I keep it a secret? I don't think I'll tell him, because it would hurt him too much, and then he'd probably try and kill you._

_I don't want him to kill you Jess. I want you around. I want to talk to you about books and music and movies. I want to argue about Hemmingway and Rand. I want to sit with you on the bridge, talking for hours about everything and nothing. I want to kiss you again._

_I'm going to break up with Dean. I think it's only fair to him. He deserves better than how I've treated him._

_Jess, I really like you and I want to give us a shot. That is... if you still like me, if you want to be with me. I hope you're not mad at me for kissing you and then running off. I was scared and confused, but I'm not anymore._

_I'll be home soon and I think we should talk._

_Sincerely,_

_Rory_

My hand rushed to write down all the words that flowed in and out of my head. When I was done, I looked at it. I couldn't send this. It was too risky. It was too personal. It contained all the thoughts that had been floating through my mind for the past 6 weeks. If I sent it to Stars Hollow, someone might read it, or notice that I'd sent Jess a letter, but I hadn't sent Dean one.

I decided to give him the letter when I got back to Stars Hollow, but that plan changed when I saw him making out withsome girlagainsta tree.

After arguing with my mom, I headed home to prepare for tonight. Itore into the house and found the letter. Crying, I tore it apart and threw the pieces in the air.

I'd set my happiness on someone who could never be counted on. I should've known he wouldn't have waited for me like Dean would.

I had forgotten about Dean. I was supposed to meet him. I was supposed to break up with him, although he didn't know that.

What should I do? What could I do? When in doubt make a pro-con list.

_Dean was safe_ - pro

_Dean never gave me any space_ - con

_Dean cared for me_ - pro

_Dean was toopredictable_ - con

Itcontinued like that. I raked my brain for every piece of information that could come in handy. These lists had never let me down before, and I knew they wouldn't let me down now. I would do what the list told me.

The doorbell rang and I knew it was Dean. I'd decided what to do. Determind, I walked over to the door and opened it.

"Dean! I've missed you so much!" I hugged my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. He looked surprised but happy. Inside I knew what I was doing to him was wrong. I was stringing him along.

But if Jess had moved on so quickly, then I didn't need him.

As I kissed Dean again, I told myself that all I need was right here, right in front of me.

But I knew I was lying.


End file.
